For Those on the IVF Journey ...

I am by no means an expert on IVF. But I've been there. 

Five years. Two stimulation cycles. Eighteen embryos. Thirteen transfers. One miscarriage. Three daughters. 

One remaining embryo. One more glimmer of hope.

Your experience is unique. Your struggles are personal. There are no easy answers. You’re well aware of that. But I hope you will find some encouragement in what I’ve learned along the way.

The Biblical counsel I have clung to through my own IVF experience is this: 

“Be still, and know that I am God.” (Ps 46:10)

Be still … the multitude of questions that are running through your mind. Will this cycle be successful? Am I pregnant? Did eating that chocolate bar ruin my chances?  I feel (insert symptom here) – what does that mean? Is it just a side effect of the medications, or is it something more?

Try to stop analysing, and just be. Stick to the process. Look after yourself. And recognise that whether that precious embryo implants or not is out of your control. Commit it into God’s hands, and leave the result to Him.

Be still … your fingers on the computer keyboard. Forums can be very helpful and supportive. But try not to compare yourself with others.

During the two week wait, the urge to constantly google ‘early symptoms of pregnancy’ is overwhelming. But it’s rarely helpful. I found replacing my internet time with a guided relaxation that helped me to think positively made a big difference.

Be still … the thoughts that haunt you. Maybe it isn’t meant to be. Has God answered ‘no’ to your request for a child? Are you pushing too far? Not showing enough faith? Taking matters into your own hands?

God has promised that He will guide you (Is 58:11). Pray about your decisions. Surrender to Him. Move ahead in faith. And trust that He will make it clear when it’s time to stop.

Be still … the anxiety. Can you afford to do this again? Where will the money come from? Will you be able to take time off from work at the right time of the month? Will you have to tell your boss what is going on? Claim the peace that is promised when you present your requests to God. (Phil 4:16,17)

Be still ... the guilt. Wanting another child does not mean you are ungrateful or fail to appreciate the blessings God has given you. Spending money on IVF treatment does not automatically mean you are selfish. There is a time for everything (Ecc 3:1-8).

Be still … the mental arithmetic. Understanding success rates and all the variables based on her age, his age, the clinic, the procedure and more requires a Ph D. Let it go if you can. Rates are averages. They give an indication of what might happen. But they can’t offer you any certainty.

Be still … the angst in your relationship. Your life becomes a round of appointments, injections, scans, and procedures. There is guilt associated with putting your partner through so much, or failing them once again. The hormones make you moody. The financial pressures leave you tense.

Try to spend some special time together. Walking, eating out, watching a movie – whatever works for you. Take a break from the roller coaster and do something you used to enjoy together before IVF took over your life.

Be still … and know.

Know … that I am God. I am everlasting and untiring, the Creator of all the earth. (Is 40:28) For me, nothing is impossible. (Matt 19:26) I am able to do more than you can ask or imagine. (Eph 3:20)

Know … that I have a plan for your life. It might not look exactly like the vision you have in mind. But I have promised to give you hope, and a future. (Jer 29:11) I have promised to work for your good in all things. (Rom 8:28) Trust me.

Know … that I hear your prayers. (Is 65:24) Your failure to conceive doesn’t mean you are less worthy as a person. It doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be or aren't a wonderful parent. It doesn’t mean you are less valuable to me. And it doesn’t mean that I am not listening to you. I have heard your cries. (Ps 6:8)

Know … that I love your unborn blastocyst/embryo/foetus even more than you do.  I know each new life even before it comes to be. (Jer 1:5) The womb is not a mystery to me. (Ps 139:13)

Know … that I am with you always. (Matt 28:20) As you cry and pray together, I am there. As you inject, inhale, insert or swallow yet more medication, I am there. As you anxiously wait and wonder, I am there. And as you receive the phone call or see the bleeding that heralds another failure, I am there.

Know … that I love you. There is nothing that can separate you from my love. (Rom 8:38,39) Nothing. Ever. One day it will all make sense. (1 Cor 13:12) But for now, let me love you. Let me hold you. (Is 41:10) Let me be enough for you.