A Dora Birthday Fiesta!

Last Sunday was our gorgeous Charlotte's third birthday.

The birthday girl with her cake.

Her main wish was to have "a Dora and Boots party" at home. She's seen her older sister have a few extravagant parties (mid year, when I have plenty of time to plan them) and wanted her own special occasion.

I was happy to oblige.

I ordered some printable invitations, favour tags and food tents from Etsy store CKFireboots (found here). I've found printables are a really convenient way to go, giving me lots of options to email or print invitations and to print out everything else whatever size I want.

A few weeks ago, Grace and Charlotte helped me make little "Backpack" party bags from purple plastic noodle boxes. We made 24 in total, and the girls had a great time filling each one with seven different items (a mini Dora colouring book, small pack of crayons, party blower, balloon, lollipop, Dora biscuits and mini M & Ms). We glued the favour tag on the back, and I glued Backpack's facial features on the front. I was pretty happy with how they turned out!

The back of the party bags.

"Backpack" party bags ready to be given out.

I had hoped that the weather would be fine and we could have the tables with food and drinks outside on the lawn. But after several brief showers early in the day we took the safe option and brought everything under cover. The kids still spent most of their time outside, and there was only one more light shower. But with the food, we figured it was better to be safe than sorry!

The welcome sign (before it moved to the front of the house).

Grandpa made a Swiper who spent his time lurking near the cubby.

The back yard before we moved the drinks table to the deck.

The decor on the deck was very colourful.

I purchased a traditional donkey shaped pinata, and filled it with a bag of wrapped lollies. We hung it under a tree, and the kids were all very excited to line up and take turns hitting it with a big stick Neil cut from an old broomstick. There were some tears after one of the bigger boys accidentally beheaded the donkey (without dislodging the lollies), and it eventually took a whack from Daddy to bring the lollies tumbling down.

The pinata.

Charlotte taking her turn to hit the pinata.

Daddy dealing with the donkey.

Collecting the loot.

I was disappointed that I hadn't organised more activities, like a pass-the-parcel game, or 'pin the tail on the donkey'. We had some Dora colouring sheets we never got around to using, but the kids all seemed quite content playing in the new cubby and on the swing set. I'd hoped to have some craft available (decorating little wooden maraccas) but hadn't been able to find anyone in Australia who could supply them unpainted.

Having fun on the swings.

The birthday cake was inspired by several images I found on Pinterest, without copying any one in particular.

The "Dora and Boots" birthday cake.

Blowing out the candle.

The Sombrero biscuits were copied from an image on Pinterest, as were the "Map" cheese sticks and to some extent the "Star" cupcakes. Some of the other food (like sweet corn and a mini taco bar) attempted to follow the Mexican fiesta theme.

Shortbread Sombrero biscuits.

"Star" cupcakes.

"Map" cheese sticks.

The savoury table.

A vegetarian mini taco bar.

My husband feels I go overboard with theming and decorations that aren't necessary and that the children can't appreciate. And to a certain extent, he's right.

However, it is a creative outlet I enjoy. Something to plan and look forward to. And most of all, an expression of love for my vibrant, affectionate, spirited and adorable daughter.

A beautiful Charlotte smile.

Throughout the day, Charlotte smiled in a way that made it clear she was enjoying herself.

She felt special.

And that's what counts.

Christmas Cupcakes

It seems this has been the season of cupcakes at our house.

For the Beginner's Sabbath School Christmas party at church I made some mini Christmas tree cupcakes. And I must admit, I was very proud of the results:

Mini Christmas tree cupcakes

I baked little lemon and sour cream cupcakes because I know they're a hit. The kids don't seem to go for Christmas spices that much.

A quick online search for Christmas tree cupcake images provided decoration inspiration. I piped some green buttercream icing on top to make the trees, and topped each with a candy star I'd found in Spotlight. Then I just sprinkled some hundreds and thousands on top for the decorations.

The finished product.

A few were slightly lopsided, but the kids didn't seem to mind!

Each Christmas since we've been married I have made something to give to our neighbours for Christmas. This year, it was reindeer cupcakes. Chosen as I was into the swing of cupcakes, and thought the girls would enjoy helping me make them.

A chocolate reindeer cupcake.

Once again, I used ideas from a couple of different websites, so don't have a link to share. But the cupcake is chocolate, and is iced in chocolate buttercream icing. The nose is a red M & M, and the antlers are mini pretzels.

I cheated a little bit for the eyes, and purchased some pre-made icing eyes (once again in the cake decorating section of Spotlight). Grace and Charlotte helped me put them on. Consequently, the reindeer are looking in all directions, and some of them look a little bit scared!

I packed them in little boxes, and Neil and the girls delivered them to some of the people on our street.

I wonder what we'll make next year?

For Those on the IVF Journey ...

I am by no means an expert on IVF. But I've been there. 

Five years. Two stimulation cycles. Eighteen embryos. Thirteen transfers. One miscarriage. Three daughters. 

One remaining embryo. One more glimmer of hope.

Your experience is unique. Your struggles are personal. There are no easy answers. You’re well aware of that. But I hope you will find some encouragement in what I’ve learned along the way.

The Biblical counsel I have clung to through my own IVF experience is this: 

“Be still, and know that I am God.” (Ps 46:10)

Be still … the multitude of questions that are running through your mind. Will this cycle be successful? Am I pregnant? Did eating that chocolate bar ruin my chances?  I feel (insert symptom here) – what does that mean? Is it just a side effect of the medications, or is it something more?

Try to stop analysing, and just be. Stick to the process. Look after yourself. And recognise that whether that precious embryo implants or not is out of your control. Commit it into God’s hands, and leave the result to Him.

Be still … your fingers on the computer keyboard. Forums can be very helpful and supportive. But try not to compare yourself with others.

During the two week wait, the urge to constantly google ‘early symptoms of pregnancy’ is overwhelming. But it’s rarely helpful. I found replacing my internet time with a guided relaxation that helped me to think positively made a big difference.

Be still … the thoughts that haunt you. Maybe it isn’t meant to be. Has God answered ‘no’ to your request for a child? Are you pushing too far? Not showing enough faith? Taking matters into your own hands?

God has promised that He will guide you (Is 58:11). Pray about your decisions. Surrender to Him. Move ahead in faith. And trust that He will make it clear when it’s time to stop.

Be still … the anxiety. Can you afford to do this again? Where will the money come from? Will you be able to take time off from work at the right time of the month? Will you have to tell your boss what is going on? Claim the peace that is promised when you present your requests to God. (Phil 4:16,17)

Be still ... the guilt. Wanting another child does not mean you are ungrateful or fail to appreciate the blessings God has given you. Spending money on IVF treatment does not automatically mean you are selfish. There is a time for everything (Ecc 3:1-8).

Be still … the mental arithmetic. Understanding success rates and all the variables based on her age, his age, the clinic, the procedure and more requires a Ph D. Let it go if you can. Rates are averages. They give an indication of what might happen. But they can’t offer you any certainty.

Be still … the angst in your relationship. Your life becomes a round of appointments, injections, scans, and procedures. There is guilt associated with putting your partner through so much, or failing them once again. The hormones make you moody. The financial pressures leave you tense.

Try to spend some special time together. Walking, eating out, watching a movie – whatever works for you. Take a break from the roller coaster and do something you used to enjoy together before IVF took over your life.

Be still … and know.

Know … that I am God. I am everlasting and untiring, the Creator of all the earth. (Is 40:28) For me, nothing is impossible. (Matt 19:26) I am able to do more than you can ask or imagine. (Eph 3:20)

Know … that I have a plan for your life. It might not look exactly like the vision you have in mind. But I have promised to give you hope, and a future. (Jer 29:11) I have promised to work for your good in all things. (Rom 8:28) Trust me.

Know … that I hear your prayers. (Is 65:24) Your failure to conceive doesn’t mean you are less worthy as a person. It doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be or aren't a wonderful parent. It doesn’t mean you are less valuable to me. And it doesn’t mean that I am not listening to you. I have heard your cries. (Ps 6:8)

Know … that I love your unborn blastocyst/embryo/foetus even more than you do.  I know each new life even before it comes to be. (Jer 1:5) The womb is not a mystery to me. (Ps 139:13)

Know … that I am with you always. (Matt 28:20) As you cry and pray together, I am there. As you inject, inhale, insert or swallow yet more medication, I am there. As you anxiously wait and wonder, I am there. And as you receive the phone call or see the bleeding that heralds another failure, I am there.

Know … that I love you. There is nothing that can separate you from my love. (Rom 8:38,39) Nothing. Ever. One day it will all make sense. (1 Cor 13:12) But for now, let me love you. Let me hold you. (Is 41:10) Let me be enough for you.

The most wonderful time of the year??

On Sunday I purchased a new CD.

The Christmas Album, by Human Nature.

I thought the great harmonies and Christmas tunes would cheer me up.

And the music is great. I love it. But the lyrics got me thinking.

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas,

Let your heart be light.

From now on

Our troubles will be out of sight."

Really?

Contrary to the movies, there is no special magic about Christmas.

It's just a day.

A day on which some people have accidents. Continue to battle chronic illnesses. Run out of money. Lose babies. Die. Problems will not suddenly disappear when Christmas day dawns.

When I think about it, there are a lot of Christmas songs that build up unrealistic expectations of the festive season. One of the worst culprits (fortunately not on the Human Nature album) is 'It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year'.

"It's the hap-happiest season of all

With those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings

When friends come to call

It's the hap-happiest season of all."

I don't know about you, but friends calling unannounced over Christmas usually sends me into a panic. The house is a mess. The kids are misbehaving. I haven't got a present to give them. My baking didn't turn out - if I actually got around to doing it. I'm happy to see them. But it's so much work!

Do the expectations of Christmas wear you down?

On Christmas day, I am expected to prepare a fancy meal and have it all on the table at the correct time, perfectly cooked.

I'm expected to buy presents for my family and friends that they will love, while at the same time not blowing the budget.

Everyone is expected to get along famously, even if they haven't spoken all year.

And we are all expected to feel happier than at any other time.

This was all getting a bit much for me, when I came to another song on the album:

"Amazing grace

How sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me ...

My chains are gone

I've been set free

My God, my Saviour's ransomed me

And like a flood His mercy reigns

Unending love

Amazing grace."

Christmas day isn't magical. But what it celebrates is miraculous.

Jesus was born. God became a human.

His birth sets me free.

God has no expectations, except that I come to Him.

I can be physically broken. Emotionally drained. A failure.

I can be worn out. Broke. A mess.

But if I come, He will accept me. He will love me. He will change me.

And that really is wonderful.

A Progesterone Pause

My recent absence was not a pregnant pause.

Claude didn't make it.

Neither did Penny.

RIP Penny.

Short for 'penultimate', she was about as lucky as any of the lucky pennies my friend Denise and I found while travelling in the USA.

We're planning a much needed break over Christmas before giving our very last little frozen embryo a chance in January.

The last two cycles have involved me taking 5 x 400 mg progesterone pessaries daily for about 16 days. At $4 each, that's expensive. It's a much higher dose than normal. And it is challenging.

While on the progesterone, I have experienced fatigue, nausea, bloating, constipation, breast tenderness ... essentially, I have felt pregnant. But I'm not.

Emotionally, I have become irritable. Less patient with the girls. Less patient with Neil.

I've felt flat. Down. So much so, that by the end of the cycle everything seems hopeless. I feel like I've been swallowed up by a huge cloud of despair.

I inserted my last progesterone pessaries this morning.

I'm looking forward to the cloud lifting.

I'm back.