Moving On

I'm a little sad to say it, but I have decided that with a new phase of my life I'm moving on to a bigger and better blog.

I'd love to have you continue to follow me at Eunice and the Sparrow.

This change has come about for a few different reasons:

• I'm doing an awesome online blogging course (Blog with Pip) at the moment, and wanted to move to Wordpress and update the technical side of my blog (as I gradually master it!).

• I'm starting my own small business (also called Eunice and the Sparrow), and hope to do some more writing, as well as making lovely things that other people want to buy online. I don't think I'd be able to manage two separate blogs. And I'm not two separate people. My personal life and creativity are inextricably linked.

• I've come to realise that the girls are getting older, and there will come a time when they don't want me to be putting so much of their lives on display. Their stories are not mine to tell. Eunice and the Sparrow will continue to contain family news and photos. But there will be a little bit less of them, and a little bit more of me.

I haven't worked out yet exactly what will happen to this little site. I'll probably try to move some of the content over to the new blog in time. And I'll definitely print out the Red Curls and Pearls posts and have them bound into a book for posterity!

I'm grateful for the opportunity I've had to express myself in this way, the clarity it has brought to my thoughts at times, and the connections I've been able to make with you, my readers.

Thanks for all your support. And please ... don't stop now!

Find me at www.euniceandthesparrow.com and let's continue the conversation.

Mum in the Picture

I read a piece on Huffington Post the other night that really resonated with me. Here's the link:

The Mom Stays in the Picture

It touched a chord, because I too avoid mirrors. I'm always behind the camera. I love taking photos of my children. But I actively try to stay out of the photos myself.

I thought it would be interesting to look back and find the last photos of me with the girls. And I had to look a long way back!

Here's what I found:

This is Lucinda and me at her first birthday party in June, 2013. It's the most recent photo I could find of the two of us. That's not too bad - only seven months ago!

Multiple hairy chins and flat, lifeless hair ... but happy to be with my baby.

This is the last time that Charlotte and I had a picture together. On holiday in Yamba in April, 2013.

Rolls of tummy fat and thunder thighs ... but being part of the action with my cheeky Charlotte.

I have a lot of beautiful photos of Grace. But finding one of us together wasn't easy. I had to go back to September, 2011 to find this gorgeous shot.

Tuckshop arms and chubby cheeks ... but enjoying cuddles with Grace at the Tesselaar Tulip Festival.

I have a lot of what are most probably quite unhealthy thoughts and feelings about my appearance. It's easy to let them dictate my actions.

But that's something I'm going to try and change.

My girls are still young enough to not really care how I look. And I don't want to teach them any differently.

They just want me to be there. And I am. I'm a huge part of their lives.

When they look back, they deserve to see that.

I want them to see the joy that being their mother brings me. I want them to see the fun things we did together. I want them to see the love I have for them.

I want them to see me.

No Regrets: The End of our IVF Journey

My IVF journey is over.

Our family is complete.

Despite frequent and fervent prayer, little Bertie didn't stick.

We would have spent well over $10,000 in the last twelve months, giving each of our seven frozen embryos a chance at life and trying for a fourth little miracle.

I could tell myself I should have lost weight. Eaten differently. Meditated more. I could look back at each moment, trying to find where I went wrong.

But I'm not. I'm choosing to believe that it just wasn't meant to be.

I'm going to be extra gentle with myself as I go through the inevitable nausea, abdominal pain and emotional upheaval that a sudden withdrawal from high doses of hormone therapy brings.

I'm going to celebrate and enjoy the beautiful family that I have.

Photo by Chris Clinnick - the best professional photographer ever!

And I'm going to move into the future with confidence, knowing that I gave it my all.

No regrets.