In His Hands

You're not supposed to do a home pregnancy test before the blood test scheduled by IVF. Blood tests are more accurate.

But I usually do it anyway. I prefer to have a heads up of what to expect. And to deal with it in the stillness of the early morning, in the privacy of my own bathroom.

It's looking good this time. A few mornings have revealed that magic second line, growing darker each time. So far so good!

Now the really scary part begins.

Until now there was hope. Potential. Wondering.

Now there is something definite to lose.

I'm not a pessimist. Or a particularly anxious person. But I've discovered that becoming a mother opens a whole world of things to worry about.

Any woman who has experienced a pregnancy loss will relate to the compulsion to check the paper each time you go to the toilet, just to make sure there's no blood.

Little "Ollie" and I have passed what is just the first of many milestones. Next is the blood test on Thursday. Then blood tests every two days, until the doctor is satisfied my hormone levels are rising appropriately.

Then comes the six week ultrasound, to look for a heartbeat. If we make it that far, we are officially 'clinically pregnant'. We graduate to the obstetrician, with whom there is another scan at eight weeks, before the 12 week ultrasound which usually signals it is OK to share your happy news.

I remember during my first pregnancy, thinking that I could relax after that point. Silly me!

Will the baby be healthy? Will the delivery go smoothly? Am I doing the right things to look after her? Will she die of SIDS? If you allowed them to, the list of potential threats or dangers could easily overwhelm you.

At Grace's dedication, I requested the hymn "I Surrender All". I spoke briefly of coming to the realisation, after a pregnancy loss, that I couldn't control the outcome. I did my best to leave it in God's hands, knowing that He wants what is best for me, and for my children.

A line from a Gaither song stuck in my mind while I was pregnant with Charlotte. "I could never, ever outlove the Lord." Believe it or not, He loves my babies more than I do. I can trust Him to look after them.

My mother once gave me a wonderful greeting card. I think it was from the "Really Woolly" range. Unfortunately it is packed at the moment, or I would have included a photograph. But the cover says something like "I'm picturing you today, right where you are ...", and then inside it says "in His hands", and pictures a little sheep cupped in large hands.

I'm trying to picture that image again, as I think about this little baby. It is in His hands. And so am I.

Before and After - Family Room

This room was previously the only living room, and was the room you entered when you came in the front door.

The windows were replaced, but remain in pretty much the same position. The heater was removed and converted back to a fireplace, with a feature natural stone wall. The walls between the kitchen, living room and to some extent the dining room were removed to create a much more open plan space.

Here is the family room/kitchen now:

And here is what it looked like back then:

I always thought this light above the entry was a retro classic. We probably should have tried to sell it, but I wasn't so well-versed with ebay back then!

Before and After - Dining Room

I hope you don't get sick of these. I certainly won't!

Here are several views of the dining room in its original state:

As I'm sure you've noticed, the previous owner was very fond of wallpaper. The home was neat and clean, but has definitely benefited from modernising and extending.

The dining room now looks like this:

A lot more windows, and a lot more light.

It is hard now to believe that this room functioned as our bedroom for a year!

Before and After - Kitchen

This is my favourite part, and the best visual (and practical) transformation. The original kitchen was, well ... small, dark, and dated:

Here it is now:

How lucky am I that I married an architect/builder?

The new kitchen features Caesarstone benchtops, a huge island bench, lots of soft close drawers, glossy white cabinetry, a glass splashback, stainless steel appliances (including a double oven and a 5-burner gas stove), and a wonderful butler's pantry. It also contains one of only two original windows we kept!

It's great to see what all our hard work has achieved over the past four years. A new build will be wonderful, I'm sure, but there is something special about seeing an old home transformed.

Before and After - Front

Our house is now officially "on the market". The photos and video have been taken, and it has been listed on the internet. The board will be up in the next few days, and open for inspections start next week.

The photos the professionals take are pretty awesome, with their special wide-angle lenses. I thought it would be interesting to look at some "before" shots I took of the house when we bought it, and the photos of the finished renovation now. A girl's allowed to gloat!

Here is the front of the house in its original condition:

And here is how it looks now (with the real estate banner I can't figure out how to remove!):

Pretty good, huh?

Transfer Day

This morning a precious little embryo was transferred into my womb.

This has happened plenty of times before. Seven of them have died inside me, either sometime in the first two weeks, or later down the track. Two grew to be our gorgeous daughters.

We have just completed a fresh stimulation cycle of IVF. Over the past six weeks, I decided not to bore you with the details, but here's a quick summary of what we've been up to ... tablets, nose spray, injecting myself in the tummy, 12-hourly alarms, internal ultrasounds, blood tests, a general anaesthetic, a not-very-pleasant biopsy for Neil, pain, mood swings ... you get the picture!

However, the fact that we've come back for more is evidence that the process is definitely worth it. We have two little miracles, and I'm so grateful to both the scientists, and the women who went through the earlier, much tougher IVF regimes. Without them it wouldn't be possible for us to have children.

This one is nicknamed "Ollie" - or "Mighty Bean", if you ask Aunty Janelle. Please pray with us that it sticks!

"Bonza Sheila" Pie

On Monday I made a nice big Hunza Pie for our dinner last night. It is Neil's favourite, but instead of "Hunza" he calls it "Bonza Sheila" pie, because he thinks I'm a bonza sheila for making it for him!

Apparently the name 'Hunza Pie" relates to the people of the Hunza valley, a princely state in northern Pakistan until 1974, who were noted for their longevity. It is said their good health came from consuming healthy organic foods, and getting plenty of fresh air and exercise. From my research it is not clear if the recipe actually has anything to do with them or not, but it has definitely been a vegetarian favourite since the 1970's, in all its different variations.

This is a recipe I inherited from my mother. Traditionally, a Hunza Pie is made with wholemeal pastry, but I will often save time (as I did on Monday) by using pre-made shortcrust pastry for the base, and pre-made puff pastry for the top. I have also been known to use frozen spinach, especially if the silver beet in my garden hasn't been forthcoming.

Bonza Sheila Pie

Pastry:       120g wholemeal self-raising flour
                  120g plain flour
                  120g cold butter, diced
                  cold water, to mix

Filling:        6 or 7 leaves silver beet
                  85g brown rice
                  1 tbsp olive oil
                  2 eggs
                  1 onion, finely chopped
                  120g cheddar cheese, grated
                  1/2 tsp salt

Process flours and butter in a food processor until crumbly.
Add enough water to make a dough.
Wrap and refrigerate for 30 minutes.
Roll out into two circles to fit your pie dish.
Line greased pie dish with first circle of pastry.

Wash and dry silverbeet, then shred finely.
Cook rice in boiling water for 5 minutes only, then drain well.
Add rice to spinach with onion, cheese, oil, salt and eggs. Mix well.
Fill the pastry case, and cover with the second pastry circle.
Brush top with milk, and bake for approximately one hour in a moderate oven.

The pie in the photographs was made in a very large pie dish, and I actually used three quantities of the filling recipe to fill it. Just in case you make it, and wonder why yours doesn't look so full!