Let's just say that if 2013 were an exam, I wouldn't have passed!
I still aim to nurture the relationships in my life. I'd love to do better this year at all the things I wanted to do last year. But I don't intend to make a list of specific goals this time around. Why set myself up for failure?
I have, however, been doing some reading recently, and it has helped to shape my thinking about the new year.
I stayed up very late a few nights ago to read the book 'Resurrection Year', by Sheridan Voysey (published in 2013 by Thomas Nelson). And it was worth the lack of sleep!
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| Recommended reading. |
The book describes the 10 year journey Voysey and his wife travelled in their (ultimately unsuccessful) quest to have a child. Voysey's account of their experiences with IVF is familiar to anyone who has been there. And it is all the more poignant to me because way back in 2008 I was a talkback caller on Open House and we had a brief conversation regarding IVF. I had no idea at the time that it was so personally relevant to him as well!
While the couple's struggle with infertility is covered in the book, it concentrates more on their "resurrection year" afterward. It chronicles their experiences travelling overseas in search of a new beginning. Their search for answers to the spiritual questions about why God allowed their suffering is covered. And we see them gradually develop new passions and purposes in life.
Let me say at the outset that my experience is nothing like theirs. I've struggled with infertility, but my dreams were realised. I have three beautiful daughters.
My best friend is unable to have children. She battles a very rare and serious chronic disease. And a few months ago, she sustained a severe head injury in a cycling accident, from which she is still recovering. When I think about what she has been through, I feel guilty for complaining about anything!
However, there is an element of grief associated with the IVF process, the losses suffered along the way, and our failure (to date) to conceive our desired fourth child. I am sad to be coming to the end of my childbearing years, and struggling to work out who I am when I'm not just a new mother. It feels like I am entering a significant transition in my life, and the idea of taking a year to explore the options and develop a new identity really resonates.
The other piece I read was an article entitled "Resolve To Be Happy" by Holly Becker, which was published in Issue 34 of Molly Makes.
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| My favourite magazine. |
In it, Becker suggests that being content, mindful and joyful is of much more value than comparing ourselves to others and constantly making lists about how we could be better.
I agree with her that it is easy to spend so much time planning for the road ahead that I fail to enjoy the current moment. I think joy does contribute to creativity and productivity, and I know it is a big part of the solution to my struggles with weight and body image.
The illustration accompanying the article features this quote a the top:
"Criticise yourself less and love yourself more ... open up your heart to what you already have."
The final influence on my goals for the year is a personal testimony given by the friend I mentioned above (found here). I have a great deal of admiration for her courage, and for her faith.
My personal faith has suffered in recent years due to a whole range of factors. But I'd like to get it back. I'd like to be able to stand with her and say that no matter what life brings, 'It is Well With My Soul'.
And that is my one resolution.
And I can't wait for the day when we stand together at the 2nd Coming singing that song :)
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