Wednesday 19 February 2014

Moving On

I'm a little sad to say it, but I have decided that with a new phase of my life I'm moving on to a bigger and better blog.

I'd love to have you continue to follow me at Eunice and the Sparrow.

This change has come about for a few different reasons:

  • I'm doing an awesome online blogging course (Blog with Pip) at the moment, and wanted to move to Wordpress and update the technical side of my blog (as I gradually master it!).
  • I'm starting my own small business (also called Eunice and the Sparrow), and hope to do some more writing, as well as making lovely things that other people want to buy online. I don't think I'd be able to manage two separate blogs. And I'm not two separate people. My personal life and creativity are inextricably linked.
  • I've come to realise that the girls are getting older, and there will come a time when they don't want me to be putting so much of their lives on display. Their stories are not mine to tell. Eunice and the Sparrow will continue to contain family news and photos. But there will be a little bit less of them, and a little bit more of me.

I haven't worked out yet exactly what will happen to this little site. I'll probably try to move some of the content over to the new blog in time. And I'll definitely print out the Red Curls and Pearls posts and have them bound into a book for posterity!

I'm grateful for the opportunity I've had to express myself in this way, the clarity it has brought to my thoughts at times, and the connections I've been able to make with you, my readers.

Thanks for all your support. And please ... don't stop now!

Find me at www.euniceandthesparrow.com and let's continue the conversation.

Saturday 8 February 2014

Mum in the Picture

I read a piece on Huffington Post the other night that really resonated with me. Here's the link:

The Mom Stays in the Picture

It touched a chord, because I too avoid mirrors. I'm always behind the camera. I love taking photos of my children. But I actively try to stay out of the photos myself.

I thought it would be interesting to look back and find the last photos of me with the girls. And I had to look a long way back!

Here's what I found:

This is Lucinda and me at her first birthday party in June, 2013. It's the most recent photo I could find of the two of us. That's not too bad - only seven months ago!

Multiple hairy chins and flat, lifeless hair ... but happy to be with my baby.

This is the last time that Charlotte and I had a picture together. On holiday in Yamba in April, 2013.

Rolls of tummy fat and thunder thighs ... but being part of the action with my cheeky Charlotte.

I have a lot of beautiful photos of Grace. But finding one of us together wasn't easy. I had to go back to September, 2011 to find this gorgeous shot.

Tuckshop arms and chubby cheeks ... but enjoying cuddles with Grace at the Tesselaar Tulip Festival.

I have a lot of what are most probably quite unhealthy thoughts and feelings about my appearance. It's easy to let them dictate my actions.

But that's something I'm going to try and change.

My girls are still young enough to not really care how I look. And I don't want to teach them any differently.

They just want me to be there. And I am. I'm a huge part of their lives.

When they look back, they deserve to see that.

I want them to see the joy that being their mother brings me. I want them to see the fun things we did together. I want them to see the love I have for them.

I want them to see me.

Friday 7 February 2014

No Regrets: The End of our IVF Journey

My IVF journey is over.

Our family is complete.

Despite frequent and fervent prayer, little Bertie didn't stick.

We would have spent well over $10,000 in the last twelve months, giving each of our seven frozen embryos a chance at life and trying for a fourth little miracle.

I could tell myself I should have lost weight. Eaten differently. Meditated more. I could look back at each moment, trying to find where I went wrong.

But I'm not. I'm choosing to believe that it just wasn't meant to be.

I'm going to be extra gentle with myself as I go through the inevitable nausea, abdominal pain and emotional upheaval that a sudden withdrawal from high doses of hormone therapy brings.

I'm going to celebrate and enjoy the beautiful family that I have.

Photo by Chris Clinnick - the best professional photographer ever!

And I'm going to move into the future with confidence, knowing that I gave it my all.

No regrets.

Tuesday 28 January 2014

The Last Embryo

Introducing ... our very last embryo:

Bertie

I've christened him 'Bertie'. For no other reason than I just felt like it.

But I was talking to Grace about what she would call a little brother (she insists it would be a boy). She feels he should be called 'Unicorn Cutie-Bob'. I have no idea where that came from!

I've been praying very hard this time for one last miracle. And I know others have been too. I'm choosing to spend the two week wait thinking positively. Or at least, as positively as you can on this many hormones!

That said, I am aware that I have been very blessed. And once I got over the initial disappointment, I think I would be more than OK with the three beautiful daughters we have.

There are many mixed emotions during this last cycle. It's hard to believe this is our 19th embryo. Our 14th transfer. What a journey! But worth every moment.

Here's hoping little Bertie sticks.

Ten sleeps and we'll know.

Saturday 18 January 2014

Time for a Cool Change

We survived!

Melbourne has just endured four consecutive days over 40 degrees. The temperature got up to 46 degrees in some suburbs, and the nights stayed above 30 degrees for most of the time. We only have a little thermometer inside (as part of the heating system), but it hovered between 32.5 and 35.5 for pretty much the whole stretch.

Thank goodness it is over!

Sleeping was hard for the girls, particularly Charlotte. We have a little old air conditioner in the dining room (where Neil slept one night!) and another in the back room (where he spent another night!), but only fans in the bedrooms.

Here is how we did it:

1. The sprinkler/hose/wading pool.

Grace enjoying the cold water.

Charlotte hosing down the swings.

Early in the morning, and particularly late in the afternoon, we ventured outside and into the shade. We took turns spraying each other with the hose. The girls splashed in the little wading pool (Lucinda just dived straight in!). And we ran through the sprinkler. Being wet made us the most comfortable.

2. Wearing limited clothing.

One dirty, hot and sweaty little girl!

I didn't take a lot of photos over the last few days, and I can't include a many of the ones I did take because the girls are naked! Lucinda lived in just a nappy the whole time, and Grace and Charlotte wore their undies, or nothing. Neil got around without his shirt, so it was really only me who stayed fully clothed!

3. Spray bottles.

I mentioned water above. I took the girls to the supermarket and got them an empty spray bottle each, which we filled with cold water. They sprayed themselves. They sprayed each other. They sprayed the furniture (which I pointed out was a bit unnecessary!). And they sprayed into their mouths to drink the water.

4. Water and icy treats.

Our most popular frozen treats.

We drank a lot of water. Our water bottles all contained cold water from the fridge (since the tap was running pretty warm) and ice blocks. The girls played with and sucked ice blocks. They had frozen juice, icipoles, and icecream. We went through a lot of watermelon and cold grapes. Anything cold and wet was good.

5. Air conditioned shopping centres.

In a few centres, the air conditioning wasn't able to cope with the heat and extra bodies. But we went to a supermarket or shopping centre to hang out for awhile most days, and it was definitely cooler than at home. It can end up expensive, unless you are very firm! But we saw a lot of families doing the same thing.  And a lot more elderly people than usual. Some were sitting in chairs with water bottles and the newspaper, looking like they were there for the duration. And why not?

6. No cooking.

Or at least, no oven turned on! We ate salad and fried things like patties. And, because little girls aren't big on eating salad every day, we ate at the shopping centre two nights so they could have pizza or chips. We also found a McDonalds with an indoor playground, and hung out there for awhile more than once before enjoying a 30 cent cone!

It was tough. I hate hot weather. (Have you ever noticed that hell is said to be hot, not cold?) But one of the great things about Melbourne is, the heat doesn't last. You know that, eventually, a cold change will come. And when the wind picks up and that wonderful cool air finally arrives, what a relief!

Sunday 12 January 2014

Cubby Cuteness

Grace, Charlotte and Lucinda received a very exciting Christmas present last month ...

... a cubby house!

Our new cubby house.

We checked out quite a few different (and expensive!) options before Neil found the 'Malibu Mansion' from Design A Cubby. He took the girls with him to have a look at it. Given that Grace's favourite colours are pink and yellow, he didn't really stand a chance!

He purchased the display model, which meant it was a little cheaper, was available before Christmas, and was already painted. So it was a win for everyone!

Daddy and Grandpa working on construction.

The cubby house was delivered in pieces, and when Grandpa arrived the week before Christmas he helped Neil to construct it. They laid it on a bed of crushed rock to create a level base, because there are a lot of surface roots from the nearby pine tree. I decorated it with some bunting Mum and I made for Grace's rainbow birthday party a couple of years ago.

Grandpa enjoying a well earned drink from the servery.

We've moved the toy kitchen and some little chairs in so far. I have ambitions of sewing some little curtains, and appliqueing a picture in an embroidery hoop to hang on the wall.

As soon as I get that done, I'll post some pictures of the cubby's interior.

I hope it's as cute as the outside!

Wednesday 8 January 2014

The Beginning of the End

This is it.

Today is "Day One" of my very last IVF cycle.

In many ways, that's a good thing. As I've shared here on more than one occasion, doing IVF is financially expensive, physically challenging, and emotionally draining.

But it is also a little bit sad.

This has been my life, on and off, for just over five years. The process is familiar. So are many of the people I see. I'm used to life being very structured, with certain things happening on certain days. I know my Melbourne IVF patient number so well I accidentally put it on a work document recently instead of my employee number!

Behind these walls each of my daughters was born.

I enjoy the acupuncture that I undergo as an adjunct to my IVF treatment, and value highly the support I have received from staff at Fertile Ground Health Group. I know parts of East Melbourne like the back of my hand ... and have put enough coins in parking meters there to sink a ship!

Still, change happens. And it can be very exciting. A new start awaits.

In the meantime, I hope to be mindful as I go through this cycle. I want to pay tribute to all the people who have supported me on this journey. I want to honour the embryos that haven't survived, as well as the beautiful three that did. And I want to show respect to this body, which has been through so much to get me to where I am today.

Have you experienced an ending that was also a new beginning?